People come to therapy because they have lost their imaginations, their playfulness, their vitality. Their lives are hidden behind shame and desperation. Their ability to find hope in the midst of suffering is compromised and they have ceased to find creative ways to manage their psychic pain and their despair of disconnectedness from others.

We are inherently relational beings. We are conceived in relationship, birthed in relationship, harmed in relationship, and ultimately through authentic encounters with others, we can be transformed through relationship.

Though psychology has devised multiple treatment models to address the human condition, successful models seem to always circle back to the power of the relational experience of the psychotherapy process as the primary agent of change.

Though we can often shift our cognitions quickly and embrace a new behavior, those changes are short-lived unless they are deeply rooted in an emotional/relational connection. We can think differently, but only for a while. Our changes must be witnessed, they must have purpose beyond self-knowledge and advance our deep desire to be connected to someone other than ourselves. A distinct identity is only possible if one feels connected relationally and we once again feel connected and part of the larger whole – the human community.

Psychotherapy must be careful not to bow to a society that champions the mature /ideal individual as a solitary masterful self, able to function autonomously. We must be cautious in our theories and practices to remember that the human soul seeks sustenance from embodied solidarity, rather than detached individuality.

Men and women today are haunted by a sense that in the midst of plenty, our lives seem barren. We are hungry for greater nourishment of the soul. We long to be “reached” below the surface of our minds, and our well-constructed presentations of ourselves to the world. We long to be known. Thus, therapists must be trained to go to the depths. To be brave enough to face the depths of their own stories so that they can sustain the process of the journey of being drawn into their patient’s narratives.

Our greatest moments of mental health are when we are capable of receiving oneself and thus able to receive the other. To be seen and to see. The matured self is one that seeks reconciliation rather than retaliation. Dialogue rather than debate. Grace rather than judgment. Solidarity rather than solitude. Inclusion rather than exclusion. The common Good rather than my good.

Of course, this involves suffering. Suffering with and for the other. And in a society who seeks to avoid suffering this idea seems absurd. Life as we find it is too hard for us, full of pain and disappointments and we seek palliative measures to numb our pain. Psychotherapies that assist in the numbing fail their patients, even though the patient may feel temporarily relieved. But they are not fully alive! To be fully alive, is a journey into those places that are the source of our suffering, where the therapist is also willing to journey, trusting that in this process, healing and transformation awaits.